Every believer knows we’re called to forgive—just as Christ forgave us. Yet many don’t understand what forgiveness truly looks like. Because of that, some think they’ve forgiven when they haven’t, while others refuse to forgive because they misunderstand what it means.

Unforgiveness doesn’t just strain relationships—it interrupts our fellowship with God. It also keeps our prayers from being answered and binds us spiritually to the person who we have not yet forgiven.

Let’s start by making sure you understand what forgiveness isn’t and what it is.

What Forgiveness Doesn’t Mean

Forgiveness doesn’t mean:

• What happened was okay.
• We must forget it.
• We have to let the offender remain in our lives.
• They escape consequences.
• We can’t feel pain or anger.

True forgiveness means trusting God to handle justice rather than taking it into our own hands.

“Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord” — Romans 12:19.

When we hold onto unforgiveness, we stay chained to the offense and step out of unity with the Holy Spirit. It opens the door to destructive emotions—anger, hate, and resentment, which satan uses against us. But when we release the grudge through forgiveness, peace floods in. And unity with Jesus is restored.

Forgiveness doesn’t make us weak. We can still set healthy boundaries to protect ourselves and others—but we do so out of love and wisdom, not bitterness or revenge. Choosing not to react to the sin that occurred against us, means we can start to rebuild on a strong and godly foundation called forgiveness.

Why Forgiveness Matters

Jesus didn’t suggest forgiveness—He commanded it.

“But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” — Matthew 6:15.

We forgive—not to excuse others, but to set ourselves free from a weight we were never meant to carry. Forgiveness is God’s key to healing our hearts, restoring our peace, and keeping our connection to Him strong. Forgiveness is not an emotion–we don’t have to feel all gooey or even like we’re glad to forgive. We CHOOSE to forgive out of obedience. Our choice is powerful and God recognizes our choice and forgives us of unforgiveness when we make it. We may have to choose forgiveness a hundred times to maintain our new position of forgiveness. Our emotions will eventually reflect our decisions, not the other way around. Our spirit leads with the choice to forgive in order to be obedient to God and His Word… and our soul (mind, will and emotions) follow.

The enemy often uses people to wound us, hoping we’ll stay trapped in bitterness—but forgiveness breaks that chain.

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose” — Romans 8:28.

The Path to Freedom

We can and should ask God to reveal any unforgiveness hiding in our hearts so that we can choose to release it through prayer. Forgiveness is often a process—sometimes we must choose it again and again until our hearts are free. One great method of helping us on the path of forgiveness is to pray for the person who hurt us. Satan has used them for destruction against us. But we can help set them free, as well as ourselves, through the act of forgiveness.

If you don’t feel strong enough to pray for the person who wronged you yet, continue to ask God for His help and strength to forgive. Then choose to  walk in His love for the person who wronged you.

Continually thank God, that what satan meant for evil, God can (and will) turn to your good. Pray a prayer of thanksgiving daily… or hourly if needed, until you have enough strength to trust Him fully with the situation.

“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” — Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)

When we forgive, we’re not letting the offender off the hook—
we’re setting ourselves free.

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